Stage I – Willingness:
This is the decision to have sex for whatever reason.
You may not even WANT to have sex, but you could be WILLING to have sex for many reasons. Willingness, combined with sex, brings about pleasure and as pleasure is the driving aim of sex, it may be the ONLY stage of sexual desire women experience during sexual activity.
Stage II – Desire:
There are three areas of desire-emotional, physical and mental.
Emotional desire is when you have feelings about someone and you want to have sex with them because of the way you feel.
Physical desire is a physical reaction that you experience in your body.
Mental desire is what you think about doing, you want to have sex and you decide to act on those thoughts.
Stage III – Excitement:
This is the stage where you begin to respond to stimuli by sight, smell, taste, touch or fantasy. The nerves, muscles and tissues of the genitals and breasts begin to react. From here your desire can return to any of the previous stages or move on to any of the others.
Stage IV – Engorgement:
This is the stage of intense sexual excitement. Your genital tissues may become engorged and erect. Wetness in your genitals/or anus increases and your nipples may become erect. You may also ejaculate at this stage.
This is an involuntary response. 3-15 genital/anal contractions occur, usually about 4/5 of a second apart, releasing the fluid from the engorged tissues. Your cervix dips down into your vagina. It is often accompanied by a rush of blood to your face/head and you may also ejaculate at this stage.
The key with this stage is that only you can identify if you are feeling pleasure or not.
It is possible to experience any of the other stages and not experience pleasure. It is also possible to experience pleasure without any of the other stages.
This can happen at any time, during any stage and for many reasons. You may be tired, anxious, distracted, stressed or are no longer interested in what you are doing for some reason.
It is your right to say no, and be heard and respected for saying no, at any point during sexual activity, with anyone, no matter whom they are or why you are having sex with them.
Adapted from Lesbian Sex – JoAnn Loulan – Pages 24-45 – Spinsters Ink