- Who needs to know about safer sex
- Sexy games
- Condoms and female condoms
- Oral sex
- Sexual Health Maze
- Men who have sex with women
- Men who have sex with men
- Men who have sex with men and women
- Men who have one partner
- Men who have many partners – one after another over a period of time, or a number of partners at any one time
- Men who don’t have sex
Men have traditionally found it hard to talk about sex, yet alone safer sex. There are several common reasons for not talking about or practising safer sex, one of these may be a lack of information. We hope that the information we provide will perhaps encourage men to have safer sex discussions with their partner(s).
Practicing safer sex is one way of protecting yourself against infection from STI’s, including HIV/AIDS. It is important to realise that safer sex is not a rigid set of rules and regulations, but rather about having information on how STI’s are transmitted and making clearer choices.
The following list is not exhaustive, but includes a few examples of sexual activities which some men enjoy. You can have fun with your partner(s) discussing the safety of those practices that appeal to you, using the information about transmission of STI’s given on this site.
Sexual games can be a great way of getting to know your partner and of building up trust. Teasing, blindfolding, being tied up, massage, body rubbing, phone sex and sharing fantasies can allow you to have sexy fun together and reduce the risk of STI’s or HIV.
- Sex by Letter
- Phone Sex (SMS)
- Nipple Play
- Magazines and Other Media
- Dressing Up
As a general rule:
Any activity involving body fluids (blood, seminal fluid, semen, vaginal fluid), and the possible transference of fluids may be deemed UNSAFE.
Condoms are placed over the penis before having sex, female condoms are for putting inside a vagina before having sex. Both condoms and female condoms are designed to catch semen as it leaves the penis. They can also be used to prevent transmission of any infection that is carried in the semen or vaginal fluid and this includes HIV. Condoms come in many different sizes and shapes as well as colours, designs and flavours. Female condoms are not so diverse. Experimenting with different ranges of condoms and female condoms is a great way to practice safer sex whilst allowing you to decide which shape, size and make suits you best. It is advisable to use condoms on phallic shaped sex toys (vibrators/dildos) to prevent transference of body fluids.
A man withdrawing his penis before ejaculation (before he cums) is unsafe, as a fluid (pre-cum) is released during sex which can transmit any infections/sperm present.
Oral sex (mouth or tongue touching genitals – mouth to vagina, mouth to penis, mouth to anus) is considered less risky than anal or vaginal penetrative sex, but it is not entirely safe. The risk would increase if there are cuts or sores on the vagina, penis, in the mouth or throat, or if the woman is menstruating (having her period), and her blood is in contact with her partner’s mouth.
Using a barrier such as a glyde dam or condom can help to increase the safety of sexual activities that involve the mouth. This section of the website has information on how to use glyde dams and condoms.
Safer sex isn’t just about using a barrier. There are many different ways of having sex and no one way is right or wrong as long as both parties consent. Safer sex isn’t just about staying free from infections or not getting pregnant, it is also about making choices that allow us to feel good about ourselves. Our sexual health is how we feel, think and behave. Keeping yourself healthy sexually can involve physical check-ups like sexual health screening and personal development like assertiveness, but it can also include being able to say no to something you do not wish to do or not engaging in something just because you are using alcohol or other drugs.
Whatever type of sex you have, be it with a lover, a partner, a stranger, male or female, you both deserve to feel good about it. Safer sex can be as fun or as serious as you like and because you are in control of it, safer sex is always, on your terms. By getting into the habit of practicing safer sex you can express yourself and still have fun.
However, safer sex is not just about what you do and staying safe from infections. It also includes how you feel and think about yourself during or after sexual activity.
- Fear/embarrassment when talking about sex?
- Safer sex is not a high priority?
- It isn’t spontaneous?
- Too drunk?
- Love equates with unprotected sex?
- You have no power to negotiate in your relationship?
- Excited by risk-taking?
- It is the other person’s responsibility?
- Unable to approach the topic due to previous bad experiences?
- Unable because your partner insists on unsafe sex?
- You don’t trust your partner to stay with you if you insist?
- Sex with respect for myself and my partner(s)
- Sex with openness and honesty
- Sex with conversations about Sexually Transmitted Infections and contraception
- Only having sex when I want to
- Sex with sexual health screening as appropriate
- Sex without exchanging body fluids
- Feeling secure
- Doing things I don’t want to do
- Being forced
- Being drugged
- Without consent
- Someone else having power over me
Every sexually active man, regardless of sexual preference, is capable of coming in contact with – and transmitting – Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s), including HIV.
Gay men have traditionally been considered to have a higher risk of contracting STI’s and HIV/AIDS. This may have created a false sense of security for many heterosexual men (straight). However, this is not correct as there are a greater number of documented cases of heterosexual transmission of many STI’s including HIV.
Because of this, no matter who you have sex with, we would ask you to look at the diagram below and try to determine whether you need a sexual health screening.
We call this the sexual health maze!!
A larger version of the sexual health maze
can be downloaded here for ease of use.